Tuesday, March 1, 2016

Let's walk through an anxiety attack

Okay, so it's 11:38pm. I'm getting ready to get off of the cimputer for the night and BAM! Out of nowhere my anxiety rises. Like from 2 to 9 in 2 seconds! It's not the kids, they are asleep. Jackson is on his laptop in the bedroom working on stuff for work. I have been in the quiet living room, by myself, for about an hour and a half.
As I type this I can feel my anxierty barely start to subside. The amount of speeling errors as I write this are atosious, but I will revise this once I'm done (yay for spellcheck!). Now that I think about it, maybe I won't spell check it. I just post it, as is, raw and full of anxiety.
It's 11:43pm. it's been 5 minutes already. I'm done to an 8. This is on a 1 to 10 scale, by the way. everythng is 1 to 10. makes it easier.
Today. Hwo was today? Um. Boring, as usual. just the way I like it. Jackson stayed home sick today (nothing contagious, woohoo!), so aside from running an errrand to the school,  we had a nice lazy day while he worked on his laptop and I played on the computer.
It's 11:45. I'm now at a 6. No 7. No, 6 1/2.
I hate when this happens. I really hate it when I have no damn idea why my anxiety gets high like this, especaiily for no damn reason. I was shutting down everything so I could go to bed! Deep breath. Fine. I will look at the upside. I'm done to a 5. Once I level out I will most likely be super tired, so going to bed for he night is definietely better than having to take a nap during the day. Side not: I am sooooo thankful my kids are old enough for me to take emergency naps during the day.
It's 11:49. it has been 11 minutes, and I'm still at a 5. I'm still sitting at the computer. I know better. I've hit the floor a couple of times during a panic/anxiety attack, and don't want to do that again. My hubby may be my Superman, but picking me up is hard to do, especailly when I'm deadweight.
Today aws a good day. I only got a little bit of attitude from my oldest son during homework, ansd that was it. The middle one is on a new medicine (well, it's more of a "booster" med during the day), and so far so good. The little one is on a new med, and it's not going so well. He is one of those examples of a late bloomer. So smart and ahead on a lot of things, but a late bloomer for other stuff. He'll be my little one for a little longer, but mn, it's going to be like ripping off a bandage when he hits puberyty.
It's 11:55. I'm at a 4. I can hear one of the cats moving the water bowl around the kitchen floor. Weirdo. I can here the slow rythym of the ceiling fan in the living room. I can fainlty hear the TV in the bedroom.
It's 11:57pm. I'm down to a 2. I am sleepy. I am going to send Jackson a text (yes, acorss the house) so he can walk me back to the bedroom so I don't fall or faint.
This was an axiety attack. 19 minutes. It's over.

I'm choosing to skip Spellcheck. I can see many little red squiggly lines showing my spelling errors. It's okay. I am human. I am here. Thank you for helping me get through this anxiety attack. If you ever have one, the best thing I can suggest is to sit, focus on your breathing, and once your breathing is under control, start to think of the positive things from the day.

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