So, I titled this post "Jackson is a slacker" for two reasons. The first one is that during my episode I tried to get him to write a blog post on here talking it about it from his point of view (like I did with my "...Anxiety Attack" post); he said he would do it later, but it's been almost a week and he still hasn't done it yet. Now that I'm typing this out I can't remember the second reason. Maybe I combined it into one reason. Oh well. I'm glad that he chose to focus on me during my episode, even if I wasn't.
When I try to recall an episode, there are some things that I can remember, but things are fuzzy and sometimes out of order.
Here is a run down of my last episode (the "Cliff Notes" version)
- One of my teenagers got into an argument with Jackson. He had got caught in a lie and wasn't fessing up. Jackson is the most level headed person I have met so he usually takes the brunt of the attitude from the boys when they go Full Diva. In lieu of taking an Ativan for my nerves, I laid down on the bed and covered my head with a pillow.
- Once the argument was over, Jackson asked me if I was okay, and I gave him a thumbs up while still hiding my head. He said something after that, I can't remember what, I flipped him off.
- A few minutes later, while still hiding my head, my episode began.
- Head is still under the pillow. The right side of my mouth starts twitching.
- Jackson talks to me and doesn't get a response. Tries a couple of more times. No success. He goes into "nurse mode": bedroom door closed so the kids don't know what is going on, the overhead light on so he can see me better, and a pulse check.
- I don't know how but the next thing I know is that I am laying on my back (I was on my stomach/side when I had my head under a pillow).
- I am "rebooting". The eyes are the first thing to come back "on line". I can blink once for Yes and twice for No. Soon I can mover my eyes back and forth as a way to "point" to things I want/need.
- My mouth is still twitching.
- My hands are the next thing to come "on line". I am able to faintly move my fingers even though I am trying really hard. My feet are useless and motionless. So little shown after so much effort; frustrating.
- I try to talk. I try. I like to talk.. I am a very talkative person. Being unable to talk frustrates me. My mouth is still twitching. I must have look deranged as one side of my mouth twitched as I was trying to move the rest of it to try to talk. No success.
- My lips and mouth are soooooo dry. I can't drink. I'm laying in the bed. Oh, ice chips! Yes, that is perfect! After a combination of "pointing" my eyes to the hallway and blinking Yes and No, Jackson returns with my beloved ice chips. I can part my lips a little and the cold and wet ice is heavenly.
- My mouth is still twitching. I can huff in frustration. I communicate with "eye pointing" and blinking that I want Jackson so get my tablet (he grabbed my phone instead which was good enough). After some Q & A, he understands that I want him to open my Blogger app and document my episode from his point of view, as it is happening. He says that he will do it later and that it is more important to take care of me. I huff and roll my eyes; this isn't our first time with this kind of episode, and sadly, I don't think it will be our last.
- Somehow I get him to kiss me. I can't remember how. He knows I am a sucker for kisses and that I would love to make out like teenagers if he would let me have my way. I get several kisses, you know, like the ones you give each other before heading off to work.
Okay, I warn you that the following may be TMI to many of you. If you hated 50 Shades of Grey, then you should probably just skip the next part. It's not THAT racy, but, spoiler alert, we end up having sex. I feel okay talking about this since I do have a "mature content" warning on my blog.
- I'm not sure how it happens, but as Jackson is leaning over me to reach for something, his groin brushes against my arm. A shiver runs through my body. **Side note: I have the sex drive of a teenage boy, so Jackson knows that I am always up for some booty."**
- This happens a few more times, and my body has decided that it's had enough. My body is craving him. My mind is craving him. My mind and body are in agreement! The reboot is complete!
- My breath quickens and my body starts to writhe in it's need for physical satisfaction. I want him and I want him now.
- He tells me that he feels bad about it, like he is taking advantage of a disabled person. For about 30 seconds I feel helpless and hurt at sort of being called disabled, but I do understand where he is coming from. I can't tell him that I want him but my hips are going insane as my body tries to coax him into the bed.
- Success! It is amazing what an orgasm will do for you. I was talking just fine afterwards; walking, well, not so much. Did you know that orgasms can cure the hiccups? It's true, trust me.
- I'm tired. Episodes always wear me out. The sex wore me out as well. I stay awake for a little while and finally go to sleep under Jackson's watchful eye. He is not a stalker or a creeper, he just waits until I'm good and asleep before he falls prey to his exhaustion.