Saturday, February 27, 2016

Anxiety attacks

Sadly, some day to day stresses will trigger my Conversion Disorder. The biggest red flag is my speech. When I start stuttering and having trouble finding the right words an Ativan magically appears. Bless Jackson's heart (it's a Southern phrase), I know he means well and is trying to prevent an episode. Sometimes I recognize my anxiety and try to remove myself from the situation (usually going to my bedroom to lay down in the dark with the door shut). If my anxiety still feels elevated after a few minutes I will reach for the Ativan. I am not sure if it is supposed to or not, but it dissolves in my mouth which works for me since it gets into my system quicker and doesn't taste horrible. The Spa station on Pandora paired with some headphones helps as well.
I have been actively dealing with Anxiety for 6 years. Taking an Ativan used to mean I would end up taking a nap within 30 minutes. Over the years my body has started to tolerate it, so when I take it I don't always need to nap it off. When I take one I don't drive afterwards.
I have become a bit of a "shut in" over the past year, but I still try to run errands and drive myself to doctor appointments. Two of my most recent appointments (different doctors) had to be missed since each day I woke up with such a bad migraine that I couldn't drive. Sigh. Frustrating.
We are now going to go back to Jackson driving me to my appointments. The "missed appointment" fees are ridiculous.

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